Certifiable Wingnut David Miscavige Claims Infinity Has a Front Porch & That He Travels Faster than Light

Lost in a space opera world of Marcabs, Fifth Force invaders, implant stations on Mars, and 75,000,000 year old body thetans, Scientology’s brutal dictator David Miscavige routinely wears a fake Navy uniform with fake medals. He pretends to be the Captain of a legally non-existent “Sea Org.” Miscavige also dresses his dog in a navy uniform and orders his underlings to salute the dog.

Unhinged lunatic and certifiable wingnut David Miscavige claimed in a bizzare speech that Infinity has a front porch. In this same speech, Miscavige claimed that 2015 surpassed any year since the “first tick of time.” In saying this, Miscavige essentially claimed to have existed since the very beginning of time, for only one who has existed since the beginning of time could compare 2015 to the first tick of time:

David Miscavige did not disclose the whereabouts of his “front porch of infinity” nor did he explain the physics whereby time is compressed. Nevertheless, he assured Scientologists that they had arrived at the front porch of infinity due to working at “warp speed” i.e. faster than the speed of light.

David Miscavige’s mental state is such that he actually believes he travels at superluminal speeds and can compress time.

While it is impossible to travel faster than C — the speed of light — Miscavige asserted his delusional claim that he and all other Scientologists can work at speeds faster than the speed of light and that this somehow compresses time.

While he is obviously lost in a world of mental illness in which Scientologists can work and travel at faster than light speeds, “Captain Miscavige” is also reported to be “abnormally normal” and is said to have a fondness for taco trucks; this according to his fake navy subordinate Mollie Hoertling of Bridge Publications:

Left unexplained by Ms. Hoertling is how she and David Miscavige can eat tacos, grilled cheese sandwiches, or cheeseburgers while working at faster than light speeds. Also left unexplained is where David Miscavige’s missing wife Shelly is located or her state of health. At the recent event in Birmingham, England David Miscavige was not wearing a wedding ring.

David Miscavige is deranged and this is why he makes fantastical claims such as superluminal travel and infinity having a front porch. Miscavige also engaged in an orgy of self-love and self-praise in this bizarre speech:

And of course at the height “Captain” David Miscavige’s megalomaniac lunacy we saw Tom Cruise groveling before Miscavige. Tom Cruise embarrassed himself here and David Miscavige enjoyed it immensely:

6 comments

  1. When are they going to drink the purple CoolAid? I want to be present to see it. They’ve already made me sick to death of their pompous and deluded selves!

  2. You will face judgement Mr Misgavage by the Almighty God. You will be called on to answer for everything you’ve done to people in the name of this cult. Let this be a sobering thought to you….

  3. Sure as the Cult can be,dm does travel at the speed of light & he knows The Front Porch of Infinity. Just for being such an OT of All Big Beings, I give him an Eternal Time Out on His Front Porch of Infinity which will now tumble over The Abyss! 💛

  4. Is he related to donald trump……Maybe they can join together, board the starship Enterprise an head off to Target 2……
    Let’s see crazy people in power, Hilter, Trump, DM, ……..

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