While researching Scientology Inc.’s byzantine and notoriously dishonest refund policy — and this will be the subject of several future posts — I came across a singularly bizarre contractual condition to which one must agree to prior to receiving their refund. This condition is even stranger than the indestructible, yet nonexistent, Scientology obelisks.
Essentially, upon receiving a refund one indemnifies the Church against all claims for, “damages, injuries, or losses sustained of any kind or nature, whether known or unknown, which I may have from the beginning of time up to and including this day.” As far as I can determine, this excerpt from a Flag contract is embodied in all Scientology Inc. refunds:
Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard dated the beginning of time to four quadrillion years ago. Therefore, by agreeing to hold Scientology Inc. harmless for all of your Scientology-caused injuries — known or unknown — since the beginning of time, you have signed a singular contract that specifies an amount of time far greater than the age of our universe.
At 13.8 billion years of age, our universe is a youngster compared to this contract. And just so you can see the number written out, four quadrillion looks like this:
And, oh by the way, the four quadrillion year waiver is embodied in a nasty Scientology Inc. document ominously entitled, Release, Waiver, and Writ of Expulsion.
When you ask for a refund, not only do you hold Scientology Inc. harmless since the beginning of time, you also get a Writ of Expulsion and may never again receive any services from the Church. Additionally, by giving you a refund the Church refuses to admit any wrongdoing on its part. Here is the document:
Note: Please hover your mouse over the document to invoke the page up/page down controls at the bottom of the page frame: